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Post by chase on Jul 25, 2015 23:27:53 GMT
Name: Chase Victone Age: 23 Nationality: Swadia
Hair: Brown Eyes: Green Facial Markings: None Skin Color: White Height: 5'11" Weight: 210 Build: Soldier's Build Body Markings: Few Religious Tatoos
Interests: Horses, Lances, Trees Dislikes: Rain, disrespect Strengths: Horses and conversation Weaknesses: Foot Combat, Ladies Skills: Lancing, Horse Training, Singing Fears: Being a nobody, lack of friends Profession: Knight of a Fallen King Backround/History: I was a knight of a Great King of Old south of Swadia, once the king died the kingdom was going to be mine because of my loyalty, and honor, but I was forced out by his son who I believe killed him for the throne. I soon challenge the so called "king" and won but was chased of by his supporters and so here I am now I lost knight looking to make his mark. Equipment: Strong Warhorse, And a Old Kings lance, Winged great helm
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Post by SO_RealmHawk on Jul 27, 2015 14:25:13 GMT
I would prefer that you write it in 3rd person. For example, Instead of saying I was a knight, you could say he was a knight. Also there is not enough there for me to handout your requested items. Work your characters personality into the story elaborating his experiences explaining why he is the way he is. Try and make it entertaining! Either go all out or make it brief with enough detail for you to build upon it. Basically all I take away from this story is that your character was a swadian knight whose king died by the hands of his son that your character killed and is now being chased down by a group of supporters. I should not be able to summarize it in one sentence without really needing anymore. Keep working on it though, if you give your bio a little more thought, I can see your story blossoming.
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